Good Morning John, and all of the rest of you
I come to you now from this familiar vestibule
with advice for the graduates of college and high school
A familiar format, the well meaning nice tool
who’ll grant you this, a afternoon’s savor
for cash or a favor, food with no flavor
inspring advice for the next few days
You’ll do well, have some of this koolaid.
It’s time, you must bite of the cherry of life
It’ll taste like fear and hope and diet coke and rainbows
But don’t be surprised when the pain grows
this is kinda gonna suck, you can’t abstain though
There is no “do not”
There’s no effin try
There’s no “I don’t wanna”
It’s life…If you don’t like it then die
Wait no, I’m not condoning suicide
Just trying to be motivational
You get it, I’m sure
So I abjure
Oh, you don’t know what Abjure means?
Ehhhh..maybe you’re not as prepared as you seem
It’s like rejecting an error but with a bit extra care
I’m pretty sure they should have taught you that
I’m making a point, you don’t know jack
The best of you can hope to have been taught to learn
To yearn for more that you’ll still have to earn
You’re not ending learning, you’re ending this one structure
And OK, I’m starting to sound like a schmuck, sure
But you’re gonna keep learning, one way or the other
Whether it’s how to make change or be someone’s mother
Or make music or coffee or toffee or spread sheets
Or hotels or laws or web sites or bed sheets.
And don’t think “but I majored in lit I won’t do that SHIT”
I majored in chemistry, what did I do with it?
I make videos for nerds, an entrepreneur
I taught myself 90% of what I’ve learned
And that’s normal, average, boring, but true
And for most hearing this it’s be true of you too
It should be, if it’s not, that life’s hardly real
And that’s scary, sure, be wary but deal
Insecurity is something you will always feel
The deep dark yawning pit of the next step of your life
Might look like a fall but it could be a flight
And who knows, that pit might be filled with ice cream
maybe you’re lactose intollerant, but you get what I mean
Or maybe pain and failure is all that’s awaiting you
I’m just baiting you.
Whether your facing hell or a festival
My point here, right now, is grab it by the testicle.
Make it your bitch! This is all you’ve got!
Your one shot, it’s short, it’s actually probably not
But while you grab life by the balls be careful with people
Don’t be a creep or you might find a deep hole
Success might be however you define it
But if you define it wrong, you’re never gonna find it.
Or even if you do, it’ll suck to know
that you got there at the expense of those
who you love, or would have, if you’d ever even tried
Because it’s not he-who-has-the most toys when he died
It’s just life, and if you’re not at least trying to be happy then why?
So ONE you don’t know jack, TWO be nice to others.
Whether you become executives, or barristas or stay-at-home mothers
And lastly, have fun, OK that’s all, I think I’m done
And, that was a pretty good denoumont
So uhhhh…I’ll see you on wednesday John.